ShopDreamUp AI ArtDreamUp
Deviation Actions
Literature Text
*a TV turns on in a living room somewhere in the world*
*for our purposes, imagine it being YOUR living room TV*
*dM appears on the screen doing a news cast(imagine a tall white male with blonde hair in an expensive black tux, blue and white striped tie, and slick black shades)*
dM: *cough* *ahem* Hello! Welcome to the long anticipated international #1 INTERVIEW WITH L, the world's most AMAZING DETECTIVE! Many have wondered things about him, and this interview has been attempted a few times before, but no real truth has been unvealed. And now! Mark your calendars, for today is THE day, that all of you have been waiting for since you discovered L!
*the camera pans over to a large computer screen*
dM: If you go online to the website address now on the screen, you can upload a one-minute-or-shorter video of common format with a question or two to ask L, and he will have to answer them. So, it's like the CNN open U.S. Presidential questioning session in 2007, but with topics you'll really understand!
*camera pans back to dM, now getting up to walk to a door*
dM: L will be with us shortly, so until then here are our sponsors.
*TV turns itself off for three minutes because it doesn't like wasting electricity for needless commercials, then turns back on*
*L is sitting across a black glass and marble table from dM*
L: Interview?!?! You said strawberry tasting contest!!
dM: Calm down, L, that part comes in the next segment. So get comfortable and eat these sugar cubes. We will be asking you a few simple questions, nothing too serious--
L: That doesn't look like a sugar cube...
*L picks up a sphere of sugar*
dM: Well, call it a geometric figure and eat it--
L: I only eat sugar in cubes.
dM: USE AN ISOMETRY AND MAKE IT SO BIG YOU WON'T CARE WHAT SHAPE IT'S--
L: A dilation is not an isometry, Mr. Metal.
*dM, fuming, sits back down and hands him his personal dish covered with sugar cubes, then takes L's sugar assortment and eats half of it while trying to calm down*
L: Why is the room all white?
dM: You're not one to ask questions, we are Mr. *BLLEEEEEEEEPPPP!!!*....wha? Oh, I was censored? Oh, sorry folks. Ok, on to the videos.
*the screen shows a long list of videos already loaded onto the website*
dM: With this remote here, we shall play the videos that appeal to us most. Let's start with this one.
Male Video Speaker: Hello, Mr. L. I have wondered if you would like to make out sometime over at my place and--
*the video is hastily deleted by the remote*
dM: Oh, sorry about that L. Um, we'll go with this one next.
Female Video Speaker: Hi, L! Me and my sister want to know what your zodiac sign is! If you fall between ours, then maybe we could be star-crossed lovers!! If it lands right on one of ours, we could be related, but separated at birth or--
dM: NO MORE STUPID QUESTIONS!! Alright, L, here's a serious one.
L: What happened to 'nothing to serious', Mr. Metal?
Female Video Speaker: L, why do you like sugary foods? Is that how you stay so thin?
L: I stay thin because my brain uses so much of the food's contents for my thinking and reasoning. So, if I don't eat this stuff then I get stupid.
*L continues to look down at the sugar cubes, stack them up, and begins making a table-covering square with them while he answers questions*
dM: Not to test the vaildity of that, we'll just move on.
*the screen shows a group of men, all drunk, trying to get organized for the video, and appear to not be taking it seriously*
Group of Male Video Speakers: *noise*
*after five seconds, all the men are directed by one very hammered leader to ask one question in unison*
Group of Male Video Speakers: HEY, L!! WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THESE?!
*all the people in the video begin to rip off their shirts, but the video is deleted before anything really gets going*
dM: You've got to be kidding!!
L: This isn't going so well, Mr. Metal.
dM: L, just wait, we'll get something...
*L constructs a detailed egyptian pyramid, and another video is displayed*
Male Voice: Hello L. I am pleased to be able to speak with you.
*the video shows a stuffed dinosaur moving to the voice, as the voice speaks in a very quiet and mysterious tone, lacking enthusiasm, but still sounding like some creep*
Male Voice: L, I've been talking with some people in prison. They don't like how long you're taking to catch Kira. They don't feel you're doing enough for them, and they think you just want them all to die where they are. You know, not all of them are truly at fault for their charges. Some of them even believe they were falsely accused. What are you going to do about them, L?
dM: Hm. Would you like to address this, L?
L: Address what?
*L is walking around, making the pyramid even bigger, forcing dM to stand up*
dM: Well, the uh, the video... L, where did you get all these sugar cubes...? Oh, next video please.
Screaming Female Voice: I LOVE YOU L, WILL YOU TELL ME WHAT SIZE UNDERWEAR YOU WEAR OH PLEASE OH PLEASE OH PLEASE--
dM: Maybe this wasn't such a great idea, everyone. Give me a serious question!!
*at this a video is uploaded that is simply titled 'serious question for both of you'*
Disguised Voice: Hello you two. Your interviews are terrible, but they're terribly funny when they turn out so bad. So, I figure L might say something to this. I'm working within INTERPOL and am pirating music. You going to get me for that?
*L doesn't even look up at the black screen to give his response to the live video*
L: Light, knock it off. I know it's you 'cause I can hear MisaMisa in the background. So give her the date she wants and leave me be.
*at this, the voice is silent and everyone notices a faint but obvious voice of a desperate Misa Amane begging for a date from Light*
Disguised Voice: I'll get you for that, L. Nice pyramid, by the way.
*L finishes the very top of the pyramid, and while dM stares at it, L faces the video*
L: Just for that, I suspect you 7.8% more of being KIRA!!
dM: Hey, L, shouldn't you not be saying that in front of a world-wide audience?
L: Hey, they all know me, and everyone loves me. Just watch.
*L somehow acquires the remote*
Female Video Speaker: Hey, L... *giggle* Wanna go on a date? *giggles* I mean, want some super hot secret action that you won't get from anywhere else...?
*L turns to dM as he stands looking in disgust at a drunken college girl*
L: You see, Mr. Metal? Everyone DOES love me, and I know everything.
dM: So, this interview shows us all that L--
L: --is one big love-monkey.
dM: --is a Darwinist.
L: --is better than anyone.
dM: --going to be pelted with rubber bb's again!
L: --is safe from rubber bb's!!
*Watari jumps in from no where with a giant water gun, firing at dM who runs to save his suit*
*Watari hands L a mini pistol*
L: What's this? Mr. Bad-Interviewer could eat me alive if I tried to get him with this!
Watari: Then you should take lessons in gun strategy.
L: Here's my gun strategy!!
*fires water at Watari, who in turn fires at L*
*a half hour later, the set is soaked and L escapes out a back way with Watari to their helicopter to find some strawberries*
*for our purposes, imagine it being YOUR living room TV*
*dM appears on the screen doing a news cast(imagine a tall white male with blonde hair in an expensive black tux, blue and white striped tie, and slick black shades)*
dM: *cough* *ahem* Hello! Welcome to the long anticipated international #1 INTERVIEW WITH L, the world's most AMAZING DETECTIVE! Many have wondered things about him, and this interview has been attempted a few times before, but no real truth has been unvealed. And now! Mark your calendars, for today is THE day, that all of you have been waiting for since you discovered L!
*the camera pans over to a large computer screen*
dM: If you go online to the website address now on the screen, you can upload a one-minute-or-shorter video of common format with a question or two to ask L, and he will have to answer them. So, it's like the CNN open U.S. Presidential questioning session in 2007, but with topics you'll really understand!
*camera pans back to dM, now getting up to walk to a door*
dM: L will be with us shortly, so until then here are our sponsors.
*TV turns itself off for three minutes because it doesn't like wasting electricity for needless commercials, then turns back on*
*L is sitting across a black glass and marble table from dM*
L: Interview?!?! You said strawberry tasting contest!!
dM: Calm down, L, that part comes in the next segment. So get comfortable and eat these sugar cubes. We will be asking you a few simple questions, nothing too serious--
L: That doesn't look like a sugar cube...
*L picks up a sphere of sugar*
dM: Well, call it a geometric figure and eat it--
L: I only eat sugar in cubes.
dM: USE AN ISOMETRY AND MAKE IT SO BIG YOU WON'T CARE WHAT SHAPE IT'S--
L: A dilation is not an isometry, Mr. Metal.
*dM, fuming, sits back down and hands him his personal dish covered with sugar cubes, then takes L's sugar assortment and eats half of it while trying to calm down*
L: Why is the room all white?
dM: You're not one to ask questions, we are Mr. *BLLEEEEEEEEPPPP!!!*....wha? Oh, I was censored? Oh, sorry folks. Ok, on to the videos.
*the screen shows a long list of videos already loaded onto the website*
dM: With this remote here, we shall play the videos that appeal to us most. Let's start with this one.
Male Video Speaker: Hello, Mr. L. I have wondered if you would like to make out sometime over at my place and--
*the video is hastily deleted by the remote*
dM: Oh, sorry about that L. Um, we'll go with this one next.
Female Video Speaker: Hi, L! Me and my sister want to know what your zodiac sign is! If you fall between ours, then maybe we could be star-crossed lovers!! If it lands right on one of ours, we could be related, but separated at birth or--
dM: NO MORE STUPID QUESTIONS!! Alright, L, here's a serious one.
L: What happened to 'nothing to serious', Mr. Metal?
Female Video Speaker: L, why do you like sugary foods? Is that how you stay so thin?
L: I stay thin because my brain uses so much of the food's contents for my thinking and reasoning. So, if I don't eat this stuff then I get stupid.
*L continues to look down at the sugar cubes, stack them up, and begins making a table-covering square with them while he answers questions*
dM: Not to test the vaildity of that, we'll just move on.
*the screen shows a group of men, all drunk, trying to get organized for the video, and appear to not be taking it seriously*
Group of Male Video Speakers: *noise*
*after five seconds, all the men are directed by one very hammered leader to ask one question in unison*
Group of Male Video Speakers: HEY, L!! WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THESE?!
*all the people in the video begin to rip off their shirts, but the video is deleted before anything really gets going*
dM: You've got to be kidding!!
L: This isn't going so well, Mr. Metal.
dM: L, just wait, we'll get something...
*L constructs a detailed egyptian pyramid, and another video is displayed*
Male Voice: Hello L. I am pleased to be able to speak with you.
*the video shows a stuffed dinosaur moving to the voice, as the voice speaks in a very quiet and mysterious tone, lacking enthusiasm, but still sounding like some creep*
Male Voice: L, I've been talking with some people in prison. They don't like how long you're taking to catch Kira. They don't feel you're doing enough for them, and they think you just want them all to die where they are. You know, not all of them are truly at fault for their charges. Some of them even believe they were falsely accused. What are you going to do about them, L?
dM: Hm. Would you like to address this, L?
L: Address what?
*L is walking around, making the pyramid even bigger, forcing dM to stand up*
dM: Well, the uh, the video... L, where did you get all these sugar cubes...? Oh, next video please.
Screaming Female Voice: I LOVE YOU L, WILL YOU TELL ME WHAT SIZE UNDERWEAR YOU WEAR OH PLEASE OH PLEASE OH PLEASE--
dM: Maybe this wasn't such a great idea, everyone. Give me a serious question!!
*at this a video is uploaded that is simply titled 'serious question for both of you'*
Disguised Voice: Hello you two. Your interviews are terrible, but they're terribly funny when they turn out so bad. So, I figure L might say something to this. I'm working within INTERPOL and am pirating music. You going to get me for that?
*L doesn't even look up at the black screen to give his response to the live video*
L: Light, knock it off. I know it's you 'cause I can hear MisaMisa in the background. So give her the date she wants and leave me be.
*at this, the voice is silent and everyone notices a faint but obvious voice of a desperate Misa Amane begging for a date from Light*
Disguised Voice: I'll get you for that, L. Nice pyramid, by the way.
*L finishes the very top of the pyramid, and while dM stares at it, L faces the video*
L: Just for that, I suspect you 7.8% more of being KIRA!!
dM: Hey, L, shouldn't you not be saying that in front of a world-wide audience?
L: Hey, they all know me, and everyone loves me. Just watch.
*L somehow acquires the remote*
Female Video Speaker: Hey, L... *giggle* Wanna go on a date? *giggles* I mean, want some super hot secret action that you won't get from anywhere else...?
*L turns to dM as he stands looking in disgust at a drunken college girl*
L: You see, Mr. Metal? Everyone DOES love me, and I know everything.
dM: So, this interview shows us all that L--
L: --is one big love-monkey.
dM: --is a Darwinist.
L: --is better than anyone.
dM: --going to be pelted with rubber bb's again!
L: --is safe from rubber bb's!!
*Watari jumps in from no where with a giant water gun, firing at dM who runs to save his suit*
*Watari hands L a mini pistol*
L: What's this? Mr. Bad-Interviewer could eat me alive if I tried to get him with this!
Watari: Then you should take lessons in gun strategy.
L: Here's my gun strategy!!
*fires water at Watari, who in turn fires at L*
*a half hour later, the set is soaked and L escapes out a back way with Watari to their helicopter to find some strawberries*
Read it and enjoy.
EDIT: If you would like to feature this in your journal, by all means do so, but do NOT put up the whole thing, and ask first please! You may use part of it if that was your plan, but you have to link it back to here. Thank you!
#1 - [link]
#2 - [link]
#3 - [link]
All of the characters and names except "deadlyMETAL" and "dM" are © Tsugumi Ohba, Takeshi Obata
This piece falls under my copyright, found here.
You may use this piece according to the Creative Commons license attached to it.
EDIT: If you would like to feature this in your journal, by all means do so, but do NOT put up the whole thing, and ask first please! You may use part of it if that was your plan, but you have to link it back to here. Thank you!
#1 - [link]
#2 - [link]
#3 - [link]
All of the characters and names except "deadlyMETAL" and "dM" are © Tsugumi Ohba, Takeshi Obata
This piece falls under my copyright, found here.
You may use this piece according to the Creative Commons license attached to it.
Comments25
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
weird yet awesome!!!